Things for a Writer to Do in an Airport
Posted by HistoryGypsy
Whilst fighting to survive an attack of the dreaded disease Servious Boredomocleosis during one of my two lengthy layovers on my way to China (the result of being completely rerouted after my first flight was unexpectedly cancelled), I was inspired (or deranged) enough to compose the following list:
- Compose witty limericks about the fate of your luggage.
- Write your own imaginative backstories about the other people waiting in the terminal. Could that tall man with the oily mustache really be the notorious international jewel thief Wickham Haversham in disguise? Could the pudgy, overindulgent mother with a screaming toddler actually have a secret past as a concert pianist roadie who once hid in Liberace’s shower? Perhaps the ticket agent is actually an Interpol agent, in disguise, tracking the afore-mentioned Wickham Haversham’s movements and preparing to capture him once and for all . . .
- Write a loving sonnet to your cancelled flight, which would have gotten you to your destination so much faster, and so much more pleasantly.
- Write a story about where your cancelled plane actually went. Perhaps he went to visit relatives who live at the Buffalo/Niagara Airport. Maybe he broke up with the A-31 Airbus he was dating and was just too heartbroken to fly anywhere.
- Ignore the obvious opportunity to finish writing your “should-have-been-done-two-months-ago” novel.
- Write haikus about the airline food on your napkin and lovingly present it to your flight attendant.
- When ordering food at the airport restaurant, speak only in rhyme.
- Write Clerihews about all of the TSA agents, particularly the guy who is texting his latest status to Facebook rather than watching the baggage x-ray.
- Compose a song about your experience, to the tune of “Camptown Races”. Generously share your creation with all the passengers around you, then relish the sudden abundance of stretching room. Later, cast an innocent glance toward the curious flight attendant.
- Write a play, in the style of Tennessee Williams, about the tawdry romance of a down-on-his-luck airport janitor and a saucy ticket agent, who pretends to be gentile but really likes to be treated rough. The current heat wave should provide ample inspiration for setting.
- Write a love letter from the guy announcing cancelled flights to the gal paging “Mr. Simpkins to Gate B12”. Leave it in a conspicuous location.
- Build a scale model of Mordor out of pens at the Duty Free store.
- Pretend to spot J.K Rowling at the busiest ticket counter. Exclaim VERY LOUDLY about this.
- Using rejection letters from publishers, create your very own paper airport on your tray table. Invite the person next to you to “Fly RejectionAir!”