Haunted and Taunted by My Own Wretched Foot

Several months ago, I wrote a cute little post about my deep, abiding love of footnotes.  I needed an illustration, so I cleverly wrote “I Love Footnotes” backwards on my foot in pretty pinkish-purple ink (with sparkles!) and then photographed it with my webcam.  I was tickled by my cleverness . . . temporarily.

footnotes

The infamous footnote-loving foot photo.

Later that morning, Brian emailed me to go look at the blog.  I was shocked to discover that I had been Freshly Pressed!  Having never even heard of such phenomena, I was naturally quite delighted when I discovered that my pink-painted toenails had just launched us into higher readership than our entire first two months of blogging combined.  I loved the comments from other footnote-lovers.  I was thrilled with the extra hits on our website, which Kami had worked so diligently on building.  I was not, however, prepared for the most serious consequence of foot fame . . .

The foot fetishers arrived.  They left comments.  Their comments left me feeling dirty, exposed, and violated.  My poor little foot tucked itself under me for safe-keeping, or hid itself within shoes, afraid of holding itself up to further lustful glances.  I was a tortured soul.  Sparing no expense for my well-being, I sought comfort from a qualified furry therapist who specializes in feet:

shorkie malt puppy

Snuggle Therapy with renowned specialist, Dr. Eowyn Thompson.

My friends at Lantern Hollow Press were, of course, understanding and supportive . . . oh heck, I can’t lie!  They were dreadful!  They taunted me!  They delighted at the hideous comment of one Evil Bert (which I deleted): “Such pretty little toes for me to nibble on.  Nom nom nom!”  A new tradition was born at our Inklings III writing group.  Every time that I used a footnote, the entire assembled mob would gleefully call out, “Nom nom nom!”  Coworkers caught on (or, rather, were informed by a certain press member by the name of Rachel), and I began getting the “nom noms” at work, too.  No place was safe from the foot ridicule.

What happened next was inevitable.  My foot began curtailing all public appearances.  Dr. Eowyn did the best that she could, but the damage was done.  My foot and I were forever changed, all by one careless blog post.

right foot

My foot began hiding itself in shame. Not having a brown paper bag, it improvised.

One night two weeks ago, I decided to write a second blog post on footnotes, this time exploring the technical side of them.  I thought a footnote tutorial might make a valuable resource for high school and college students.  When I went to Google to look up some pictures to illustrate my post with, my own foot showed up . . . multiple times.  On websites other than our blog.  My foot photo had actually been hijacked by a foot fetish website!  I contacted their webmaster (footmaster?) and got him to take down the image, fortunately.  The thought of my little tootsie being exposed in that manner still makes my skin crawl!

It all goes to show, you never know the true consequences of what you write about (or photograph).

My foot will never be the same.

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About HistoryGypsy

I'm a high school history teacher and author of upcoming novel Sidhe Eyes. I live in gorgeous Qingdao, China, where I spend much of my free time studying the fascinating and frustrating Chinese language, eating odd things, or taking long walks along the Yellow Sea. At "While We're Paused" I have the pleasure of blogging about things that catch my interest: good books, language, history, poetry, writing tips, grammar rants, random humor . . . I don't like to get in a rut! Some of my favorite writers include (and this is by no means an exhaustive list): Dorothy Sayers, J.K. Rowling, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Agatha Christie, Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare, Jules Verne, Baroness Orczy, Geoffrey Wawro, John Lynn, Bill Bryson, the Bronte sisters, John Christopher, J.M. Barrie, O. Henry, Roald Dahl, and Robert Graves. I usually find myself reading no less than three books at a time!

Posted on July 10, 2011, in Humor, Stephanie Thompson and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Wow. I always knew you’d be famous, but I sure wouldn’t wish this on you. For what its worth, i just checked and apparently your campaign to purge the internet of your feet is nearly complete…or would be if you hadn’t just posted an entire article with more pictures of said feet!

  2. Well, I’m glad to see that Dr. Eowyn has you on a sound footing again. Now that your toe is in the water, you won’t have to ankle for compliments any more. Now, don’t arch your eyes at all these puns! Your friends are all ready to toe the line in your support.

  1. Pingback: The Epic Struggles of Stephanie Thompson: Stephanie versus the Internet! « While We're Paused

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