Daily Archives: January 23, 2011

You Know You’re a Writer When . . .

  • You mentally insert punctuation into everyday conversations.
  • It’s 8:00 in the evening and you’re still in your pajamas.  But your character is fully gowned and off to the ball!
  • You have ever almost mentioned the plight of one of your characters as a prayer request.
  • You witness a fastfood worker tripping while carrying two large garbage bags, both of which spill open and carpet the floor (and the employee), and your first thought is, “This would make a great scene for my story!”
  • You get story ideas from your History 300 final exam.
  • You deliberately pick a fight with your sibling or spouse just to get dialogue inspiration.
  • You have completely worn off the lettering on more than three keys on your keyboard.
  • You are more concerned with finishing your current scene than using the restroom.
  • The fire alarm goes off and your first concern is to save your story notes.
  • You have ever gotten into an argument with one of your characters.  Bonus points if it was in a public place.
  • You choose the company of your characters over human companionship on a Saturday night.
  • In the middle of being proposed to by your significant other, you grab a pad of paper and start taking notes.
  • You get revenge by modeling characters after people and then subjecting the characters to cruel torture.  Mwa ha ha!
  • You break out into maniacal laughter while typing, and your roommate thinks nothing of it.
  • You sometimes get confused as to whether it was you or your main character who just said/did something.
  • Someone cuts you off in traffic and you compose a cruel limerick in retaliation.
  • You talk to your characters or narrate stories to yourself while driving.
  • You have ever stopped midway through preparing dinner to make edits to a story, then completely forgot that you were cooking until the smoke alarm went off.
  • Midway through a PowerPoint presentation in class, you suddenly realize that the fact you just gave happened in your historical fiction story, but not in real life.
  • To cure your writers’ block, you give your students a brainstorming activity as homework, then use their ideas.
  • When the voices in your head get too distracting, you have to drop what you’re doing and write.
  • You proofread your text messages . . . twice!
  • You use correct grammar and punctuation in your grocery lists.
  • You brought story notes on your honeymoon.
  • You refer to your first child as your “rough draft”.
  • You try to claim your characters as dependents when doing your taxes.
  • You feel confused when encountering a meal that cannot be eaten one-handed while typing.
  • You alliterate conversations just for fun.
  • You have attempted to argue with your spouse in iambic pentameter.
  • You discipline your children by making them edit your first drafts.
  • The weight of story notes scattered across your desk is greater than the actual weight of the desk.
  • You have composed one or more love sonnets to coffee.
  • You have a grammar handbook on your nightstand.
  • You sleep with a notepad and pen because “inspiration can strike at any time.”
  • You have considered sacrificing a bull or cherished relative in the hopes of incurring the favor of your muse.
  • You can not only quote Kipling, Tennyson, and Wordsworth, you actually know exactly where the quotations are from.
  • You cherish a deep fondness toward a particular mark of punctuation.  (Sigh, I love commas!)
  • You attempt to purchase a rare poison just to see if your villain can actually do it.  And then expect the police to believe you.
  • You decorate your Christmas tree with rejection letters from publishers.
  • You actually know how many times Dr. Seuss’s first manuscript was rejected, and find it inspiring.
  • Describing the banquet scene in your story is a higher priority than feeding the cat . . . or the children.
  • You have higher security measures guarding your stories than your house.
  • You consider taking out a life insurance policy on your latest work-in-progress.
  • While in ER for an extraordinarily painful injury, you take careful notes for a possible future short story.
  • You intake your coffee through an IV, since it saves the trouble of getting up from the computer.
  • You wish they would bottle a perfume that smells like old books or fresh paper.
  • Even though you actually make money at your day job, you stubbornly insist on calling yourself a writer on forms that request your occupation.
  • You prick your finger and ink comes out instead of blood.
  • You follow publishing companies on Twitter . . . and actually read their tweets.
  • You have used or considered the pick-up line “Hey, want to come up to my place and look at my character sketches?”
  • You’ve smiled and nodded more than twice while reading this list.
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