Posted by Kami Melton
More than just being in business together, we here at Lantern Hollow Press are good friends. We see each other quite often, and are inclined to meet at one another’s homes for extended periods of revelry, food, and gallons of coffee. Life is good when we’re together.
But, when it comes to enjoying the company of our dear Stephanie Thompson, there are some special rules we must follow in order to avoid having to call the ambulance or the rescue squad. Below you will find a lighthearted version of some of these guidelines. (Don, have mercy upon this…”poem?”)
The Epic Life of Stephanie Thompson: An Ode
Never give Stephanie Thompson a knife
However slightly you value your life.
Never let her slice tomatoes,
Pickles, radishes, or potatoes!
Never, ever, let Stephanie T.
Walk on the ice or climb a tree.
Never let her sled on the snow.
She might kill herself, you know!
Please don’t let her sit on the couch:
She might fall off with an ear-splitting, “Ouch!”
And never let her walk on the floor:
She’ll eventually trip and then be sore.
Keep Miss Thompson away from the oven,
Even if lured (if you’re chocolate lovin’).
You’d be amazed at the number of hurts
Miss Thompson’s sustained while baking desserts.
Light bulbs, Miss Thompson, are not to be changed,
Neither are tables to be rearranged.
Black eyes can result from the first,
From the latter, something much, much worse.
Don’t ever give your washer a push
You’ll end up falling and breaking your tush.
Don’t try it with your dryer either.
Just sit down and take a breather!
Don’t light the candles on Stephanie’s cake:
Her hair might catch, for pity’s sake!
These rules are here for many good reasons.
We want her to live for a few more seasons!
We all know she’s accident prone–
That’s why we’ll never, ever, EVER leave her alone.
Don’t think we’re all into abusing,
It’s just that her foibles are way too amusing.
We love you Stephanie! :) :)